Happy Deepavali 2011

This year was a blur and we are glad fall is finally here, with trees turning red and shedding their leaves, the breeze getting cool, and the excitement and craziness of so many festivals, both Indian and American kicking off in October. This is the time we miss our friends and family the MOST so here is to all of you.

Our friends and classmates have started to turn 40. We are approaching the fourth decade fast too. With Swati only a few inches shorter than us, it is hard not to feel old :-) However, there is so much fun seeing the kids growing through different phases and growing old with the person you love. Though we wish our life was not so busy and had more time to enjoy small pleasures like just sitting in the sun, catching up with friends, reading a book, or just going on a leisurely stroll.

No complains though as we did get some time off to enjoy. We took some long vacations this year. We spent several weeks in India in December 2010, seeing friends and family, and truly cherished those moments. In summers, we had a long vacation to China and Cambodia. This has been a very unique trip and very different from what we had done so far. First we got to see the various cultures. We went on the ancient silk route in China and felt like explorers from Ancient times who time warped into this century. We traversed all of China starting from Beijing all the way to Afghanistan/Pakistan border. It was quite an adventure.

Ruchi switched jobs. Some of Ashish’s research got mentioned in the Wall Street Journal, which was fun for a couple of days. But professionally, this was a difficult year, with a lot of hard work and travel.

Kids are busy as usual in their own world. Agastya is now starting to interact more with Swati in a way that she can enjoy and it is really fun to see their interactions. They fight like bitter enemies still they love each other as best friends. Both of them have developed close bonds with their cousins and grandparents. It is so much fun to see them all interact and play.

So here is to another fun filled year – enjoy, cherish, and celebrate.
Agastya, Swati, Ruchi, and Ashish

Trash everywhere

Recently, we went on our long summer trip to various countries (or I would say cultures). And every one was varied differently from the other. Also we ended up on varying landscapes - from urban life, to deserts, to highest mountain range, to the ocean.
However, one thing remain unchanged was plastic and empty water bottles even in the remotest of the landscapes. It was unbelievable.

To be continued...

Art of Strategy (notes)

Conflict in self: a part of self interstates with positive growth and it is as powerful as the positive one as it draws on same strengths and knows same weaknesses. To defeat it one must develop a strategy that refocus the energy and reconstructs the personality
Environmental conflicts: re-form your relationship and assume more control of the environment or detach yourself
Conflict with another: arise as basic interaction is unbalanced
Conflict among leaders: due to different ideologies or resources- subdue the other via tactical positioning

From "The Last Airbender"
The True Mind can wither all the lies and illusions without being lost.
The True Heart can tough the poison of hatred without being harmed.
Since beginningless time, Darkness thrives in the void
but always yields to purifying Light.

In the Era before the Avatar.
We bent - not the Elements - but the Energy within ourselves.
To bend another's Energy.
Your own spirit must be unbendable, or you will be corrupted and destroyed.

Wind (Haiku by Swati)

Wind

Misty Merriment
Rallying rain, fire, dust, air
Elements unite

If I were an animal who would I be by Swati

Date: 22nd June 2011
Assumptions: 60% sea snake; 10% coyote; 10% horse; 10% hawk; 10% dove

Because ....

I possess the faults and joys of a sea snake such as ambition and control,
But there is a humor in me like a coyote.
And like you wise old horse my stubborn strength gets what I want done, done.
Like brother hawk red I seek the truth making it hard for lies to enter my head.
Things of beauty and love touch my heart like a dove.

Mirage by Swati (Summer 2011)

This is written by Swati on her recent travels to Gobi desert in China
-----
Of all my yearning, and traveling wide,
An oasis, in this desert so hot and dry.
But in my mind I knew all was not right,
For it was a mirage, prank monster of light.

Arboretum Day care vs. Stanford construction

This whole Arboretum issue is just giving me sleepless nights. Just to give you some context. There is this daycare at Stanford next to a hospital and opposite Stanford Mall. Suddenly one day all parents are informed that Stanford will start massive construction right next to the day care site and would also take away some of the land that this day care is built on in a month's time. The worklife office knew all along that this has been in the pipleine but they conveniently forgot to tell parents about it.

This is the second night in a row when I am unable to sleep and the thoughts of what would happen to my kid is making me anxious and causing me great mental stress and is also affecting my performance at work.

I paid so much for this day care and not picked some random home care because I wanted to make sure the place where i send my kid to is secure, safe, and nurturing. I keep getting this emails about what other day cares are in the area and how CCLC will waive my notice fee etc. Does anyone take in account how much time it takes to call a place, schedule a visit, put your child on a wait list, and then go on a tour. I am left at the mercy of other people to try to somehow accommodate me and my kid in their system. It seems I almost have no choice - either I accept what ever I am offered or risk my job. All the wonderful things that we talk about in child development about kids environment, their development requirements, their sensitivities are suddenly out of window.

My son also goes to Bing for 2 half days and during my first tour at Bing long time back I was told about the design philosophy of how the creator of Bing looked everything from kids perspective in creating the yards, planting the trees, class room lay outs etc. Ironically Bing is run by Stanford too. And now suddenly another association at Stanford is kind of telling me that it is so easy to relocate everything and move kids back and forth. Whether the kids can express themselves or not they are much more sensitive than adults. How this is going to affect their psychology? Has anyone thought about this?

Another question if something happens to my mental state, or my job, or to my kid who is going to be responsible?

I called worklife office at Stanford and they have been understanding and also apologized to me but it is not about apology and it is not directed at one person but at the system who decided to take every child and their family so for granted in this whole process. I am not looking for an apology as that does not solve anything for me. I need resolution - A resolution that satisfies my constraints.

O Trickster Light by Swati Goel

Of all my yearning and travelling wide,

An oasis in this desert so hot and dry.

But in my mind I knew that all was not right,

For it was a mirage, prank master of light.

Confessions of a mind

I am starting this post and I will be continually be adding to it. The reason for this post is to just clear my mind out by writing it loud the conflicts between my heart and mind. Those conflicts arise because I am a professional, wife, mom, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, friend, and many more at a given time. And though I sincerely believe in Geeta's principle of that you can only do your best effort however you have no control of the outcome of that effort. However as a human it is hard to detach yourself from all the worldly things. No matter how much you clear your mind it is always conflicted between the expectations other have from you and what you have from yourself. What you desire and what is given to you?

You are always expected to understand the other person's desires, needs, expectations and must behave accordingly however is anyone out there thinking the same about you. People except you to be not judge-mental about them however they are always judging you.

The only way I bring myself in is by reminding myself that whatever I am doing is for my own sake - I want to have my conscious clear. I should not ever look back at past and feel guilty about my actions. However, to constantly remind yourself is such a hard thing to do.

---

As a child I always wondered why it is so difficult to make a relationship work. My mom dad never got along for various reasons. And in my mind they both were usual folks and individually nice. I would hear my mom's frustrations and at times I would also hear what my dad used to say. And it was not just between them. The relationships between my different aunts and uncles, friends, and all other extended family had this dynamics which I could never understand. And as I got older I realized that it was not just my family it was all around. I wondered why people are so strange. Why can't small things work? And I would remind myself that I would not ever let this happen in any of my relationships. Now having lived through half of my life I am exactly going through the same phase in my life. I want friends but then I have no friends when I really need them. I have a family but they just casually shrug off when I try to seek out to them - may be because they are sick and tired of my eccentricities. I have a husband who is never there because he has way too many things on his plate. In a nutshell I am most of the times lonely as hell. And I think finally I am loosing it.

Quest for a jeans (not so perfect)

One must wonder how hard it is to find a pair of jeans that fit you well and is in the right color. Not at all right? Just sitting without thinking I can think of 10 brands where I can find a jeans. However to find one that flatters you is extremely tough. If I had a perfect figure then I guess won't be writing this. So let me rewrite this if you are one of those people who unfortunately do not have the right curves it is extremely difficult - in fact rather depressing. Today I must have tried at least 20 pair of jeans from every damn brand still I could only find one which I was not unhappy with. So two options - either work hard and tone up or forget about looking good in jeans.

Ruchi's favorite Poems, Verses, and Sayings

(Work in Progress...)

Daffodils by William Wordsworth

What makes it special is that Ashish used to read this loud to me when I was pregnant with Swati and was completely bed ridden. Sometimes I would just get sad and lonely and Ashish would read this poem and it would just completely lift me up. And Ashish's voice made it so special (even till date). My favorite part is the last stanza

I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed--and gazed--but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought: For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils. ----- The other one is from Pythagoras. These words had profound effect on me. May be because I was more of speaking time. Learn to be silent. Let you mind listen and absorb. ------ This rubaiyat from Khayyam came at such a juncture where I always was making an attempt to live in present. Earlier I would either dwell in the past or get anxious about future. The Moving Finger writes; and having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a word of it.

Change of time

I arrived in Vegas in May 2011 all by myself and as I checked in I realized how much has changed. How much I have changed. I remember coming here first time in 1997 with my friend Sri for the first time I was amused by this place. It seemed surreal (and it is). I have come back here so many times after that with Ashish, friends, family and enjoyed but never cam alone here. This is first time all by myself and I realize how shallow this place is. So polluted fill with smoke. And my first reaction was to get annoyed. But then I remembered something else which I read on my way up here - A psalm of life by Longfellow. The gist is that you should be enthusiastic about everything you do. So here I am trying to make the best of my stay. However, within my mind I realize how much I have changed. How much my desires have changed.

Nancy Blues and the Magic Shoes (playwright by Swati)

Nancy Blues and the Magic Shoes

By Swati Goel

Age 9, Hoover Elementary School, Grade 3

Characters:

Nancy Blues – main character

Ms. Blues – Nancy’s mom

Kara – a jealous rival

Julie – her best friend

Man – the person running auditions

Scene I (Audition Hall – There is a bench where Julie and Nancy are sitting)

Nancy –Julie I am really nervous for this dance audition

Julie – I have seen you dance. I am confident that you will do just fine. You are an amazing dancer.

(Kara enters)

Kara – Hi you two. Are you here for the dance auditions too? I AM! And I do not think anyone can beat me, especially not YOU Nancy.

Nancy – J..J…Julie I .. I do not think I can do as well as Kara. I have seen her dance and she is sooooo good.

Julie – You will do just fine Nancy.

Man – who’s next?

Kara – I am!! (Shouting)

Man – Alright, ready, set, hit it – 5,6,7,8

(Music playing* D7 throughout on piano)

At the dawn of the light

At the dark of the night

With a pearl shinning bright

If you opened your sight

Oh if you opened your sight

Nancy – I do not think I can do better than this (and she runs away in tears and Julie goes after her)

Scene II (Nancy’s House – Nancy sobbing quietly and Julie sitting beside her)

Julie – Nancy cheer up. You have to practice for your audition tomorrow. You can do better than Kara.

Nancy – I know I won’t get the part. I just won’t (in a irritating crying voice)

(Ms. Blues enters)

Ms. Blues – What going on here Nancy and Julie? Why are you in tears honey?

Julie – Nancy ran away from the auditions. You know Kara that big bully who always teases Nancy? Well she made Nancy lose her confidence right before the auditions.

Ms. Blues – Really! But Nancy you have been practicing for weeks now.

Julie – Ms. Blues there is still another day of auditions tomorrow. You need to get Nancy to do her best. I need to go now to finish my homework. Bye Nancy!

(Julie exits)

Ms. Blues – Nancy, I have a secret – a dancing secret. I have a pair of magic dancing shoes. It can make someone dance even they have never danced before. But for a dancer like you they can do wonders.

Nancy (wiping her tears) – Really! Mom. Do you actually have them?

Ms. Blue – I sure do and you can have them. Let me get them for you.

Scene III (Audition Hall – Julie sitting on the bench while Kara is standing far away with the person taking audition. Nancy enters)

Nancy – Julie, Julie, I am so excited! Now I am absolutely sure I can make this audition. Look what I am wearing (Nancy pointing her to her red shinny shoes).

Julie – what are they, Nancy?

Nancy – Magic dancing shoes. My mom gave them to me. She told me that they can even make someone dance who has never danced before. And for me they can do wonders.

Man: Nancy your turn. Ready 5,6,7,8 hit it

(Music playing*E7 throughout on piano)

Then you really might see

What you just could be

With that pearl shinning bright

If you open your sight

Oh if you only opened your sight

(Nancy performs her dance)

Man: You’re in it Nancy. You did the best dancing among everyone who competed. You get the lead part.

Kara – What about me?

Man: You get the associate dancer part.

Kara: This can’t be true (Kara leaves thumping her foot, annoyed and jealous)

Scene IV (Audition Hall – Julie dancing in the background. Kara and Julie sitting on the bench)

Kara – I love the way your friend Nancy is dancing these days for all her performances.

Julie – I know (smiling secretly).

Kara – I would love to learn some moves from her. I would like to be as great a dancer as her.

Julie – You can’t. She has a secret to her dancing.

Kara – Really! And what would that be?

Julie whispering – It’s her magic dancing shoes.

Scene V (Nancy’s house. Nancy is crying and Ms. Blues enters)

Nancy – Mom I can’t do it now. I lost my shoes (Nancy says sobbing). Someone stole them.

Ms. Blues – What do you mean you can’t do it now. You have been doing all your practices so well. Tomorrow is your final performance.

Nancy – No the shoes did it. And now I do not have them anymore.

Ms. Blues – Are you ready for another secret? Those shoes were just ordinary shoes. It was all within you Nancy. Just go DANCE.

Scene VI (Stage – Nancy is on stage getting ready for her performance while Julie, Ms. Blues, and Kara are in the audience watching)

(Music Playing* F7 throughout on piano)

With a pearl shinning bright

If you open your sight

Through the cloudy night

You would see your own might

If you open your sight

Oh if you only opened your sight

(Nancy dances beautifully – at the end of the song there is a big applause)

(At backstage)

Nancy – Mom I did it!

Ms. Blues – I knew you could do it Nancy! You just had to find your confidence.

Nancy – Mommy I love you.

The End

*Original Song composed by Swati Goel

Swati's poem on 2050

My Message to World in 2050

By Swati Goel

Grade 3, Hoover Elementary School

In 2050 you’d see

How amazing science can be.

They’d be cool inventions too

Some created by me and you!

You could vacation on the Moon or Mars

With the option of visiting nearby stars.

You could travel in a spaceship of your own

To galaxies which are today unknown.

Humans would learn to respect

The nature and plants they had wrecked.

With Dodos, Mammoths, and Sabertooths

The Earth would be back to its natural roots.

You probably would say “Gee!”

If you could go to 2050.

What does D--O---G sounds like

Ashish in a futile attempt to teach Agastya some sounds asked him what does ddd - ooo - ggg sounds like. Agastya in his usual self responded "Popsicle stick"